Losing Weight By Re-Focusing
In the five things you never knew about me, I mentioned that I lost weight. It took a couple of years to reach a stable size and weight, but the changes have stuck. I don't feel obligated to lose more weight, and I don't feel the need to "work" at preventing unwanted extra body mass from attaching to my frame.How did I do it? Well, let's take a look at how I became chunky in the first place.Rewind to 1991When I was 16, I weighed about 155 lbs. I was pretty fit, and briefly played on the football team. In order to maintain and build body mass, I consumed large amounts of protein, mostly in the form of red meat and "power" shakes. I lifted weights both at home and at the school gym. So far, so good.When I tried out for the wrestling team, the coach told me that he didn't need anyone to wrestle at the 155 pound weight class because there already was a wrestler in that position. He suggested that I drop down to 135 pounds and tryout for that spot.After a month of barely eating, countless hours in a steam room, and dangerously excessive exercising, I managed to drop down to about 130 pounds (that's about 25 pounds in a month, if I did my math correctly). I got the spot on the wrestling team and although I won all my qualifying bouts during practice (in order to actually wrestle at a meet with other schools), I lost all my matches. I was too scrawny and weak to compete. I wound up getting kicked off the team, anyway, for an unrelated incident.From that point on, I made it a point to not only regain my weight, but surpass the 155 pound mark and bulk up (preferably with muscle). I didn't want to be a wimp!Fast Forward to 1997By the time I was in graduate school, I was 180 lbs., and working out 5 or 6 days a week at the local gym. Since I had a better paying job, I was able to buy more food and pay to use better workout equipment.After about a year of mass consumption (which included 24" extra large pizzas almost every day, plenty of juicy steaks with the fat still on it, and lots of pasta and cheese) and iron-man-type workouts, I finally weighed in excess of 205 pounds. I had bigger arms than ever, a broader chest, and my butt looked pretty damn good in a pair of tight jeans. Mission accomplished!However, I was not happy with how I looked or felt. In photographs, my face was so round and fat that it took up half a 4x6 photo. When I sat down, the "love handles" looked like dough seeping over the sides of a coffee cup. I couldn't breathe well, and it was a hassle to walk down the driveway to get my mail. The post office delivery person hated me because the mail would pile up in my bin and she would have to make an extra trip to my door step to deliver my parcels, and to leave official letters telling me to pick up my mail.On top of all this, I had to buy new clothes several times to keep up with my increases in size. Do you know what a good pair of jeans costs?In my effort to "bulk up", I went from wimp to Wimpy (as in Popeye's buddy that seems to have a sick obsession for hamburgers...yes, that's my clinical diagnosis for him).A Personal Choice Leads to Life ChangeWhile sitting in front of the television one day, I started having difficulty breathing. I switched to a side lying position, which relieved some pressure off my chest, and I fell asleep.I suddenly woke up, gasping for air. My chest was hurting but I was feeling lethargic and unmotivated to move. That's when I decided that my main priority, to myself, was to become healthy.Although I knew about the latest diet fads and programs, as a nurse and psychotherapist, I knew that those wouldn't work for me. Those programs often rely on giving up personal responsibility and foster dependence on others for change. Many of them focus just on losing weight, not addressing the real underlying sources of weight gain or ill-being.I decided that it wasn't about losing weight or looking good. I needed something that I could be held accountable for, something that would be safe, and something that would yield long-term sustainable results. And I knew that if I could achieve those things, then I would be happy with myself.The Solution To Weight LossInstead of "dieting" and focusing on losing weight, I re-focused my energy, time, and money to becoming healthy. James Ray said, "Energy flows where attention goes." I didn't realize it at the time, but since my focus (my thoughts, my energy, my actions and efforts) was on my health and desire to be "healthy," it was much easier for me to lose weight. That is, I didn't have the self-pressure and expectations associated with trying to lose weight. Since I was re-focused on living a healthful life, the weight loss just came along with it, by default.Because I chose to focus on being healthy, and I knew what being healthy entailed, I was able to make a dramatic and potentially life saving change that I now feel extremely good about.I now weigh about 180 pounds and I still have lots of strength, stamina, and all around energy to accomplish what I need to do every day. My portions are now "normal" (one or two slices of pizza, instead of a whole pie) and I don't feel guilty about what I eat. I don't have to avoid certain "bad" foods. Because I'm focused on being healthy, I tend to shy away from them or eat those things once in a blue moon, and not in elephant-sized portions. I eat what I want and I don't starve myself or feel like I'm starving. Yes I still do get hungry, and yes I eat when my body tells me it needs sustenance. But I grab fruit now, more often, instead of a large bag of potato chips.I stopped drinking alcohol, not because I don't like drinking, or because it's evil to society, or because it's bad for me. I stopped because it robs me of the energy I want to have to do other things...things that I feel happy doing. And although I would still like to have a drink every now and then, the right opportunity to throw back a cold one hasn't come up in recent months. The last time I had alcohol, I believe, was several months ago on a cruise. I drank because I knew I didn't have anything important that needed to get done any time soon. Heck, I was on vacation.Before I focused on being healthy, I ran on the treadmill to look good and to lose weight. It was always a hassle, a chore, a frustration to keep up appearances. I didn't like doing it because I was doing it for someone else, not really for me. People try to lose weight, never for their selves, but for others (because of how others will think of them). You'll never win trying to live up to someone else's expectations.When I shifted my focus away from losing weight, I started running to be healthy. The weight loss and increased sense of self-worth naturally followed. I made the changes for "my" self. Not anyone else. And because it was truly for me, the behaviors stuck, and so did the results.Becoming healthy was my focus, my conscious choice toward life change. I focused (and still do) on what I wanted, not what I didn't want, and not what anyone else wanted. I made changes that were in alignment with what I desired - to be healthy.Gauging My Progress Through FeelingsDespite knowing that things like behavioral self-monitoring forms (like these) can produce very effective results and changes, I wanted to rely more on my feelings to determine whether or not I was on track (aligned) with what I wanted. Self-monitoring forms would only track my weight loss, whereas listening and responding to my feelings would gauge my progress and journey toward becoming healthy.Just like I responded to my feelings of unhappiness and discomfort with excessive weight, which led to my conscious decision for life change, I now listen to my feelings to let me know if I'm still on track toward living a healthful life. For example, when I feel depressed or lethargic, I know it's my body's way of signaling to me that I've veered off course...that I'm doing something unhealthy, something against my desire for good health. Maybe I drank too much soda or ate too much chocolate cake. My body signals to me that it didn't like what I just ingested, in the form of fatigue or low energy.Conversely, I also hear when my body is telling me that it likes what I'm doing. If I notice myself smiling, or if I'm feeling particularly in a "good" mood, then I know that I'm doing something right. It's my body's way of telling me that I'm in alignment with my goal of becoming healthy.If I listen to what my body tells me, then I can make an adjustment in my behavior...I can learn from my feelings, from what my body is telling me, and I know how I am progressing.Having Long Term ResultsEver heard of "thoughts lead to actions which lead to changes and results"? For me, changing my thoughts and focus from just losing weight to wanting to be healthy led to behavioral changes. This ultimately manifested into losing 20+ pounds.If I had focused on just losing weight, I'd probably still be struggling with it. My energy and attention would be on "weight" and not "health." Because I try to incorporate all aspects of what makes or will make me "healthy" and make that my priority (my "want"), then weight loss naturally follows. So does dropping two pant sizes, increase in energy to do the things I want to do, less trips to the doctor, less money spent in order to gorge myself with food, more "good" feelings about myself, lower blood pressure, lowered cholesterol, and healthier heart functioning, to name a few.Yes, it took time, and the change was gradual, but I did it without "dieting" or sacrificing the things I love to eat. And because the changes were gradual, they stuck. They became incorporated into my life. Picking up fruit at the market or running with my dogs no longer invokes feelings and thoughts of reluctance, but are now "second nature." I am grateful for this.-RY
When I first read this post about two months ago, I decided to give it a shot. I had tried so hard to lose weight, but I only focused on just that...the weight. I decided to make a committment and focus on being healthy after reading this. Since the beggining of March, when I first started to make these changes, I have lost 10 pounds! I am committed to being healthy, and I make no effort to losing wieght...because I am healthier, I am "lighter" as well. I don't feel like I am startving, like I did on some of those "fad" diets. I pretty much eat what I want, but I make healthier choices that coicide with my desire to want to be healthy. Thank you so much for this post, it's literally changing my life.
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Glad it's working for you! Keep us updated. There's nothing like benefitting from a change in thinking!
-RY
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