So the season of giving is upon us, and what have you given? Was it a material object like a diamond ring or new sweater? Was it something intangible like donating your time to help feed the homeless? Or do you feel like you don't have anything to give?

Youthful Mistakes

When I was a young college student, money was hard to come by. I suspect that this is how it still is for most people in that situation. My mother would give me some spending money every now and then, but ultimately I got into some credit card difficulties (some of which I'm still feeling the repercussions of to this day). The money I did come into was quickly spent. I would go out and party with my buddies, or buy things that I didn't need (wanting and truly needing are mutually exclusive). The memory of car audio equipment cluttering my garage still lingers in my head (imagine piles of radios, amplifiers, wires, speakers, speakers, and more speakers).

For all the money that I ever borrowed during my undergraduate college years, there is nothing to show for it today. Gone are the toys and trinkets I bought for immediate gratification. All that remains now are the regrets of not doing something more lasting and meaningful. I fight the regretful feelings with affirmations of the "it's water under the bridge" kind, but it's still a struggle to not be so self-critical. I guess that's a reason why I look to jump on opportunities now, instead of waiting for them to pass me by. I'd rather try to make my life fruitful when I can, instead of having to deal with regret down the road.

Nothing To Give

And when it came time to spread the Christmas cheer, my limited view of what it meant to give left me with a heavy heart each year. I told myself that simple "Seasons Greetings" cards were too cheap and thoughtless to give to family and friends. In my mind, the only things worth giving someone, the only things that had any value, were those with expensive price tags from well known stores and brands.

I could not afford to give my mother something back during the holidays, although she always told me that she never wanted anything in the form of gifts except that I "just be a good boy" and become successful. I would see things at the local malls that I knew a friend or loved one could use in their life; to either make life a little easier for them or even enhance it a bit. But I would not be able to make that purchase without the risk of missing a bill payment or even eating for a few days (however, I always found a way to buy beer and pizza).

I felt worthless and embarrassed. That then manifested into beliefs of being a bad person. If I could not give expensive gifts from a store, then no one would think highly of me. And at the time, at that age, other people's impressions of me equated to my own self-image and esteem. How could I be happy if no one else valued me?

Giving Tells Others Who You Are

Over years of self reflection and introspection, not to mention a few trips to the university counseling center, I managed to move away from that limited view of what it meant to give, and ultimately towards realizing the kind of person I am, and really always was.

The true gift of life is the opportunity to develop into something more than what you were before. With time and age, this message becomes more clear to me. Giving now lets others know what kind of person I am. This notion eluded me years ago.

Giving is not about the fancy gifts or high monetary prices you pay at the store counter. It's definitely not about expecting something of equal or greater value in return. It's a lot closer to the idea of allowing others the opportunity to get to know you at a deeper level. And giving is probably linked to the need to feel a connection with your fellow man.

Giving is about letting others know that you are the type of person who wants to be there for others and wants to be connected to others. It doesn't matter what you give, it's the underlying intention to be a part of humanity.

My Present

Working in the healthcare field has had two major effects on my life:

1. I presently have a greater appreciation for the gift of life. I guess I've seen thousands of patients and clients over the last decade as a healthcare provider. There are so many people who are worse off than me. A healthy life is a truly rare commodity nowadays. This is why the value of life is so high, so precious.

2. I have learned that I am much more than what I have. This is what the gift of giving holds. I have been in the position to help others by listening, counseling, nursing, and in a sense, healing those that needed relief from physical and emotional pain. All these years I have been giving to others those things that I have an abundance of, and those things that others wanted. It did not take a shopping spree at Neiman Marcus to show others the kind of person I am. They found out by me being present and helping them move on with their lives, hopefully to a better place than where they were before they met me. For me, the gift of giving now is discovering that I have much more to offer to others than what I previously thought I had.

Give What You Have, Not What You Don't

If you have to go to the mall and buy something to give, then you don't have it to give. That should be obvious, in and of itself. Why not give something that you already have? Of course, I don't mean that old toaster that you're not using anymore, or the fruitcake that gets passed between family members every year. Give something that really reflects the kind of person you are. Those gifts last longer than any store bought item. They last longer because they will always be a part of the person you gave it to.

So, what do you have that's worth giving? No one can answer that except you. But before you give up and get on line to buy that latest video game console (and go into debt), think about what the great modern economist Thomas Sowell once wrote: Knowledge is one of the few things that can be given to others without reducing the amount you have left. Thinking along these lines, it becomes apparent that you already have something valuable, and less damaging to your wallet, to share and give to others. Just coax yourself into taking a real good and honest look at yourself.

You are more than what you have, and you have more to give than you think.

-RY