Do this: Imagine you are walking down a street. It's a cold, wet, and rainy day. You have your head down as you navigate between the puddles and cracks in the sidewalk, hurriedly trying to get to your destination. All of a sudden, someone comes up from behind you and trips you. You fall, face first, landing on your hands and knees. You are now soaking wet. How do you feel?
   
    Perhaps your first reaction is not out of the ordinary. It's not uncommon for me to ask people to participate in this scenario and here reactions like, "I'm really pissed," or "I'm embarrassed," or "I feel really hurt and angry."

    Now continue to imagine this: Still on the ground, soaked with water, and scraped from the fall, you look up behind you and see a man with dark sunglasses, a walking stick, and a seeing eye dog. Now how do you feel?

    Your reaction now is probably different from your original and immediate reaction. Would it be far from the truth to guess that your feelings are along the lines of relief, understanding, compassion, or just less aggressive than your first reaction? What happened to change this perspective?

    My guess is that the additional information, seeing that it was a blind person who tripped you, moderated your response to the situation. The situation doesn't change. You still fell. You are still banged up. You are still wet. But your reaction and responses have been changed to less aggressive, more manageable responses that won't lead to further damage. This is the power of seeing the whole picture. This is why it is important not to rely on just what you know. It's important to keep getting more information about a circumstance so that you make the best decision on what to do next.

    This exercise helps me when I'm driving and someone cuts me off. If I base my actions on what I believe is happening, without really truly knowing what is happening, then I may likely give the other driver the finger as I pull up next to him at the traffic light. This could have deadly consequences (e.g., "road rage"). But if I consider that the driver may not have seen me when he changed lanes, then I am more likely to be understanding and less ready to risk my life in an altercation. It doesn't make it OK that I was cut off. But I can empathize with the situation, which diffuses any aggressive response on my behalf. And my day isn't filled with thoughts of being cut off.

    For more info and resources on changing harmful responses and thinking patterns, see the Albert Ellis Institute.

-RY